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The Guru-Student Relationship in Vajrayana

It is sometimes difficult to explain to non-Buddhists the relationship students have towards a Lama, especially on the tantric path. "Lama" is a Tibetan word for "spiritual friend". The Lama is like a living embodiment of the Buddha's teachings - a symbol of kindness, wisdom and compassion. 

There is a saying in the teachings that likens the Lama to a mirror; we know our face (heart) exists, but we cannot see it without the aid of a mirror. Similarly, the Lama is the mirror that shows us the truth of who we are under all our suffering - a potential Buddha.

The journey towards Buddhahood requires being 100% truthful to how you feel and what you think, but at the same time developing the faith in the teachings that all suffering is in actuality an illusion created by one's mind - the "Second Noble Truth". All pain and suffering are like layers on an onion; peeling back a layer, simply reveals another layer (which is the essence of the "First Noble Truth"). Self reflection through meditation simply reveals deeper levels of understanding of our suffering as one's awareness grows through spiritual practice and direct experience of life's challenges. It may sound crazy, but it's actually fun to experience pain! 

We need a Lama or living example of the teachings to progress on the path, especially in the Vajrayana. Buddhism is based on direct experience and without a living guide the teachings can become strictly a conceptual exercise. For example, a person can read dozens of books on swimming, but until someone is actually there teaching them to swim, they will more than likely drown! Similarly, Dharma practice can be a dangerous exercise without a spiritual friend.

Ratu was my root Lama, which means that he was the key to unlocking the Buddha's teachings for me and as such has special place for me. I imagine its like remembering your first love! There's a great analogy that a famous Tibetan Lama, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche uses to describe the evolving relationship a student has with a Lama.

When we are first drawn to a Lama we are like a person needing immediate medical attention. We are dying from our suffering, completely out of our minds from the pain we feel. We want someone to simply fix us, because we don't have the tools to help ourselves. He gives us a glimpse of the peace and clarity we have always sensed deep within our being but have been unable to articulate because of our lack of understanding of our true essence, which is love and compassion. I think that is why, if your heart is open, it simply feels right when the Lama speaks; he is not teaching anything new, but reminding us of the innate wisdom that has lain dormant within us.

Some people are satisfied with this quick fix and go on with their journey attaining enlightenment through simply living their lives. At a rudimentary level enlightenment is simply wisdom gained from life experience. However, true wisdom is the embodiment of our Buddha-nature, which is compassion itself.

On another level there are some people who want to help heal themselves and go to the Lama for advice like a doctor. Our egos perceive him like someone who is more learned than ourselves and the relationship is almost professional. We give him symptoms of our mental illness (mental obscurations like anger, loneliness, sadness, fear, etc are considered states of mental illness because we are ignorant to the true nature of these emotions. In other words, we don't understand that these states of mind are simply energies that we judge from our ignorance). The Lama gives us a diagnosis and we go away and take his medicine in the form of practising meditation, for example.

Our attitude towards him initially is one of admiration, awe and sometimes fear. These qualities can sometimes become a hindrance to your spiritual development because the Buddhist teachings state that there is not a hair's breadth difference between the Buddha Nature (quality of love, compassion, wisdom, etc) of a Lama and ourselves. The Lama simply has had the experience of "crossing the oceans of samsara" (suffering) and has come back to tell us of the bliss and inner peace on the other side.

He's almost like the best travel agent you have ever known. You ultimately make the journey yourself, but he is there to guide you from his experience on the pitfalls, dangers but also the joys and wondrous things you will experience on your journey. There is an aspect of faith in this process because you have actually met someone just like you who has made the journey. It's very inspiring.

This where a friendship begins to develop. The more he gets to know you, the more dreams and fears you share, the more he can advise you on the best route for you to get there. The Dalai Lama states that the purpose of the Buddha's teachings is happiness.

And why not? It makes sense that when you happy within yourself, you are relaxed, more tolerant, more loving, more generous, a pleasure to be around and a benefit to others! (I think that some of the religious doctrines have over-emphasised fear and guilt to control our basic human emotions with the emphasis being on becoming a "good" person. Whatever that is!)

I am highly suspicious of "good" people, because they are generally more judgmental and intolerant of others. Whereas someone, who has experienced real pain and has gained wisdom from hardship is more apt to be compassionate and understanding towards the suffering of others. What I mean is all people BELIEVE they are good; I'm positive that Hitler and George W. Bush believed they were good people when they started wars to impose their ideas of what is right on the rest of the world.

Concepts of good and bad are simply words of comparison. What is "good" for one, is "bad" for another. Compassion on the other hand is a basic understanding that once you strip everything away, we are all basically the same; none of us want to suffer, and all of us want happiness. And we all have the same Buddha Nature and potential for Buddhahood. We are all manifestations of the divine.

The Buddha states that we are already perfect, but we just don't realise it, and that's why the Lama is so important.

The interesting thing is when we become friends with a Lama, we are surprised that he too experiences pain and suffering. We are shocked to discover how human and ordinary he actually is. Sometimes we begin to judge him, because we want someone who is powerful to take responsibility for our suffering and our lives. "I don't want to make decisions for myself! You tell me what to do. But if I suffer more, it's your fault!" We think that a spiritual master should be above suffering otherwise he isn't very accomplished. But it's this very quality of ordinariness that we should rejoice in. We've been conditioned to believe in miracles as an example of spiritual power and dismiss the incredible miracle of simply being alive!

All that said, all the Lamas I have ever met, all had a great sense of humour because they never judged their thoughts, emotions and feelings from a realisation that they were essentially empty and an illusion.

The spiritual journey with a Lama is extremely difficult because like a good friend he will tell you the truth, no matter how much it hurts. As an example, once Ratu told me that I was talented and a good-looking man. I made a joke about it and he became extremely angry. He asked me, "Why is it that every time I point out all your suffering about yourself, you believe me and give yourself a hard time, but when I tell you the truth about your good qualities, you think I am lying! Don't you think it is harder to tell someone something negative than to tell someone something good?!"

I was shocked when he exposed a basic way my mind worked. He later gave me a teaching to simply say thank-you whenever someone gives you sincere compliment. Oh, how uncomfortable I was for such a long time practising this small thing! I was breaking decades of habitual self-deprecation. It's not that Ratu was saying that self-deprecation is wrong, but I was harming myself by reflecting on all my negativities rather than seeing myself through his eyes and the eyes of others. He made me understand that when someone does not accept a sincere compliment, it is actually a form of arrogance. You are basically saying to the other person, "You don't know what you are talking about. Only I (my ego) can accept what is truth". What an insult!

This is how stupid we can be. We think we see ourselves better than others see us!

Everyone's suffering is exactly the same, your anger and loneliness is just as painful as mine. Everyone's positive qualities, however, are unique (beauty, talent, kindness, etc) and is the result of purifying karma from past lives. This is why Ratu gave so many teachings on developing our inner beauty through art, dance, healing etc.

The religious mindset is that we have to purify ourselves constantly to become a "good person worthy of God's love". But when will we ever be good enough? When will we allow ourselves to finally be happy? 

The Buddha taught that suffering is an ever present reality because of the truth of impermanence. We are all going to get old, sick and finally die. Everything in this physical plane is subject to the law of impermanence. To fight it is to suffer.

If we are all going to die, and suffering is ever present, why spend all your time purifying yourself trying to be a better person? Do you actually know what it means to be better person? And who is that person within you that will finally judge you worthy?

Suffering comes to all of us, therefore rejoice and seek happiness. When suffering arises, deal with it then. It's useless trying to be "better" person with the specter of death peering over your shoulder. Let Death be your adviser. If I have a difficult decision to make I ask myself, "if I were to die next week, would I be doing what I'm doing now? Would I put off what I've always wanted to do?"

This a particularly powerful Buddhist meditation practice.