Treat All Emotions As If They Were Your Own Children

"When happiness comes embrace it; because (suffering) is everyday" - Ratu

Sometimes we are ambushed by our emotions from the moment we wake up, when feelings of irritability, confusion or listlessness dog us throughout the day. These seem to be the only times when we really pay attention to ourselves, when our emotions are painful and we try to avoid or control them.

As meditation practitioners when our emotions are awry, it's sometimes difficult to simply let our feelings be, to feel the pain of our emotions and not be mentally affected by them. We search our brains for reasons for our distress because we think that there must be some explanation for these unpleasant feelings we are experiencing.

Sometimes there is. More often than not it's simply the way we feel at that precise moment in time. To search for answers with our intellect is pointless since the dance and interplay of our emotions is without logic, especially in relation to loving relationships.

If we are not mindful in our practice and relax to how we feel, we can fool ourselves into believing that there must something terribly wrong in our lives. We assume it's normal to feel "happy" all the time, and that it's abnormal to feel angry, upset or lonely without any good reason. Here lies the seed of our suffering, the root of our ignorance.

Our thinking minds are conditioned to grasp at what it perceives as pleasant and reject states of being it deems unpleasant. This judgement of what is good and bad, right and wrong is at the heart of our dissatisfaction. We go through this process with our emotions.

The tantric path teaches practitioners to view our emotions as simply energy and to use them as part of our practice. 

Have you ever noticed that anger and passion feel exactly the same in your body? In fact physiologically both these emotions affect the body in the same way - our pupils dilate, our hearts start pounding, our muscles fill with blood and ready for action. So too do feelings of sadness and appreciation feel similar. The first time I held my niece in my arms and looked at her, my heart felt like breaking at the beauty of her sweet face. It felt exactly like sadness but I was happy!

All our emotions are exactly the same in that they have a positive and negative aspect depending on our view. Suffering arises when we judge our emotions. We may even be doing ourselves a great disservice by never fully experiencing the positive aspects of these wonderful energies if we habitually suppress them. If we judge our anger, for example, the danger to ourselves is we may end up suppressing our passion because anger feels exactly the same in our body as passion. If we do it long enough, we begin to believe that we lack a passionate zest for life!

How do we stop judging our emotions? 

Depending on our view of ourselves we tend to accept some emotions and reject others. One of the methods Ratu taught me as part of my meditation practice was to see all my emotions as my children. By personifying my emotions in this way I was able to give compassion to myself and later to others. 

In each one us is a sad child, an angry child, a lonely child and so on. If we truly begin to see our emotions as our children we would never reject any of them but treat them all equally with loving kindness. After a while we begin to understand and learn to accept them, no longer trying to avoid nor judge them. We begin to develop a relationship with them  and in so doing, because we understand their pain, are able to develop compassion towards others experiencing the same emotions. It's a very powerful practice.

VIPPASSANA MEDITATION


In November 2000, I had the rare privilege to study vipassana meditation from one of Ratu's own teachers, H.H. Bhante Thitaketuko, in the Brahma Vihara Arama, Bali. Set in the verdant hill sides South West of Lovina, three kilometres inland from the town of Dencarik, the Brahma Vihara Arama was an idyllic setting to practice my first 10 day silent retreat with our Sangha.

Ratu's Root Lama: the late Ratu Giri Rakkhito Mahatera, a.k.a. Bhante Giri

Our daily routine was to wake up at 4:00 a.m. and meditate straight through until 10:00 p.m., with hour long breaks for breakfast at 7:00 a.m. and lunch at noon, the last meal of the day. Every evening we received teachings from Bhante "Thita" and Ratu. In all that time we maintained the "Noble Silence", which was a unique experience because we learned to communicate almost psychically with each other.

The first two days were fine; the third day was hell emotionally; the fourth and fifth day began to get better; the sixth and seventh were OK; the eighth was hell again, and after that I felt I could have meditated quite happily forever. By the tenth day my mind was so peaceful that it seemed that I no longer had any thoughts except for the barely audible whispers of my subconscious.


Following are notes I took during that period and some helpful advice I gleaned from Bhante's vast compassion and infinite wisdom:

In the Indonesian Vajrayana tradition, vipassana is an Ati Yoga practice also known as 'ekayana' and is the fastest path to enlightenment. It is the method Lord Buddha practised when he attained enlightenment under the bodhi tree.

The aim of vipassana is to keep the mind from wandering by grounding it in actual experience. The mind is anchored more in the process rather than the content of direct sensory experience. For example, in practising vipassana one is more aware of the sense of hearing (the process) than what one is hearing (the content).

Bhante used an analogy to describe the main differences between samatha (Pali. tranquillity or concentration) and vipassana (Pali. insight, analytical insight) meditation. He likened samatha to a spotlight, where one's awareness focused singularly on the object of one's meditation like a sacred object or one's breath, whilst vipassana was more like a searchlight, one's awareness continually moving, searching, taking in the happenings of one's body, mind and external environment.


The Practice

The twin goals of this meditation practice are to develop the awareness and the power to let go. Bhante Thita suggests to practise sitting and walking meditation for equal periods of time. Concentrate on the rise and fall of the belly in the former and the movement of walking in the latter.

Sitting Meditation

Sit comfortably in a relaxed but alert posture with your back straight to allow the subtle energies to flow easily. Hands can be placed on your knees or in your lap. The buttocks can be slightly raised with the aid of a cushion to ease the strain in your lower back.

Cross your legs. From Bhante Thita's considerable experience this is the most comfortable posture to assume for extended periods of sitting practice. Wanting to emulate the Buddha, he had practised the Lotus Position depicted in Buddhist iconography extensively in his youth, and found it a powerful method to develop willpower, but can burst the capillaries in your legs over years of practice. (I remember being both shocked and delighted with his with childlike innocence when he actually showed me by hoisting up his robes!)

Breathe normally and be mindful of the rise and fall of the belly*. Focus your awareness on the movement itself rather than the breath itself.

Do not force yourself to breathe evenly. Sometimes as emotions and memories arise your breathe will naturally falter.

Be aware of your thoughts and emotions, and the physical sensations of your body and your five senses.

Acknowledge everything you experience and let it go and return to your breathing. If you hear something for example, do not engage in mental gossip like "It's a bird. What a beautiful sound. I wonder where it is..." Simply say to yourself (at first) "hearing" then go back to your breathing. Over time you will simply experience hearing without needing to label it in your thinking mind. This method is used for all your senses - seeing, feeling, listening, etc.

Unlike other Tibetan and Hindu techniques I had practised, (focusing one's attention on the warmth of breath flowing out of the nostrils, or mentally counting each breath, etc), I found this difficult to do initially, because I became aware of the tightness of my belly. Bhante later explained that this area below the diaphragm held all of one's subconscious memories, and over time as one practised, it would become easier as tension was released and burned from the fire of one's awareness.


Walking Meditation

Walk as slowly as possible with your hands clasped in front of, or behind you. The technique is to be completely mindful of the action of walking. I found it particularly helpful to focus my attention on my feet, as my weight transferred from the heel to the ball of my foot as they touched the ground with each step.

Tip: Make sure you wear comfortable shoes! My girlfriend at the time chose to practice barefoot walking meditation on the blistering cobblestones of the grounds surrounding the Brahma Vihara! Her face was not the calm, serene gaze of a Buddha, but the pained grimace of one of the demon protectors that adorned the gates.


Under the Bodhi Tree

Many a balmy evening I sat with Bhante under the tree outside the "public" pura asking him questions and sometimes saying nothing, just happy to be in his presence. I will always remember his serenity, palatable compassion and radiant smile. Here are just some of my questions:

Q) Banthe, how do I overcome sleepiness during my sitting practice?

Sometimes sleepiness in your practice is the result of laziness or avoidance of discomfort. If that is the case, it is important to persevere in your practice.

Try asking yourself where you feel tired. Is your tiredness in your eyes? Is it in your limbs, etc? Try to find out where it originates from. Most of the time by doing this you will suddenly become alert again.

If this doesn't work, maybe it is time to practice walking meditation.

Finally, if all else fails, maybe your body really is tired! Surrender to sleep if that is the case.


Q) Banthe, how do I overcome pain?

Initially the physical pain you experience will be because your body is untrained in sitting practice. Twenty minutes is a good goal to aim for when you first begin to practise before commencing walking practice for an equal length of time.

Some pain you will experience is the stored emotions being released from your subconscious. Simply relax and return to breathing.

The purpose of meditation is not to control your body or the pain, it is to relax. This is important to remember. If you manage to subdue the pain in your body with the power of your will (mind) it will give rise to an emotional response of anger or resentment for example. This emotion in turn will influence your thoughts and agitate the mind. You will discover this interrelationship of mind, emotion and body as you practise more regularly.

The way to meditate is to learn to relate to the pain that you feel. It is to be aware of what you are experiencing physically and emotionally and to simply let it go. Try not to avoid it by shifting your position and seeking comfort. Neither do you try to deny, overcome or control it by maintaining your posture rigidly.

Other practical methods to deal with the pain:

Feel the pain and return to your breathing. Most of the time it will simply disappear.

Examine the pain; is it sharp but intermittent, throbbing and constant? Is like ants crawling on your skin? Ask yourself what does it feel like?